For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. What little girl doesn't? I wanted 3 kids but depending on finances and my husbands wants, I would be willing to go as high as 5. I've had my names picked out since I was a child: Aidan "insert the father's 1st name here", Colton (Cole for short) Brace, and Kyanna (Ky for short) Jayne. This is what I wanted. Being a mom is something I thought I would be really good at (I would always joke about how I'd make a horrible mother, but I never believed that, and I would get secretly offended if someone agreed with it).
Here I sit, so far off from where I thought I would be at 26, but so relieved that I don't have the life that I thought I would have by now. I don't think that that life is even something I want anymore... I babysat my niece and nephew over the weekend for maybe 2 hours. I love my niece and I love my nephew. They are adorable and beautifully wicked. But I get to hand them back to their mom. I get to give them back and then get to do whatever it is that I want to do. I like doing what I want to do. I like not being responsible for someone else. I like the freedom. But more importantly, I honestly don't think I can do it, I don't think I want to even try. I am ok just being the aunt; I have my big 10 year old, and I have my cute little 3 and 1 year olds with potentially more on the way. I'm good. I'm content. I'm free.
I may not be up for the task, but for all of the moms out there, I have to tip the proverbial hat to you; you definitely don't get the credit you deserve.
- S
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