Mucus & Flem

When do you hit the realization that you are a grown up? There are the obvious milestones in ones life when you know you are getting older: first day of school, first day of junior high, first kiss, first day of high school, drivers license / dating, being able to vote, and for the masses reaching the age of drinking and gambling. But it is the subtle milestones that make me feel old: changing wallet sizes from the cute square "teenager" wallet to the rectangular-fat "mom" wallet, showing an interest in gardening, realizing that cooking is fun, having your purse grow exponentially bigger over the years (I remember the cute, tiny little hand bags I used to have... now my purses are huge! I actually use a Hurley diaper bag most days, and I don't even have kids!!), and making that "old man" sound when you bend down to pick something up (you know the one I'm talking about. The one where it sounds like you are in jeopardy of straining 7 different muscles but in the end make it back up without any pain so you get the "sigh of relief" sound mixed with the "straining bend over" sound?). But here's my number one sign of getting older, when you voluntarily offer stories about your bodily functions.

I remember as a child and even into my 20s hearing adults talk about disgusting, private bodily functions. I've never understood how they think it is acceptable to talk to other people about the substances that the body pushes out (mostly from the rectal region). I mean, this is just something you don't do. Yet it is talked about among the older population. I never thought I would reach that point...

I was promoted at work a few months ago (by default yes, but nonetheless promoted) and since that time I've been working a lot closer to the owner of my company, and in connection with working closer to him, I've actually gotten much closer with his wife. His wife and I have always been on pleasant terms, she would come in and we would exchange pleasantries, nothing ever in depth. Though we've become closer, she is still just my bosses wife, it's not like we would ever call each other up on the weekend to go to lunch. So imagine my surprise when I reached another dreaded old-age milestone with my bosses wife.

She came into the office, asked me how I was, and then I told her a story about a bodily function... What?? Really? I mean WHAT??? The story just came out of my mouth, there was no stopping it.

All I can do is shake my head, take a deep breath, and patiently wait for the next sign of old age to surface.

-S