As I was busy at work today, I found myself on the internet looking for a new recipe for Christmas (I had trouble focusing this afternoon). I came across a picture of a ham. It was one of those hams with pineapple rings and cherries. It immediately made me think of my Nana, which was weird because I never think about Nana. I was really young when she died, and to be honest there isn't much I remember about her. I remember what she looked like and I remember her house. I remember her garden (she had this huge garden, it was like a palace of flowers) and I remember the rope swing we used to play on. I remember the toys she kept in the hall closet for me and my brothers and sister (the little monster finger puppets were my favorite) and I remember her guest bedroom. On the dresser she had this mirror that laid flat that she kept bottles of perfume on. I always thought it was so pretty, elegant, sophisticated. It is funny the perspective a child has. Now that I think about it though, perhaps that is why I like perfume so much and why I've always wanted an old antique mirror tray for my perfume bottles, but I didn't realize it was because of Nana and the impression her display had on me as a child. (writing really is therapeutic! even for just the simplest "break-throughs").
I remember those things about Nana's house, but I don't remember very much about her. I have one memory that may have clouded all of the other ones. I have this thing in my head that Nana was mean. She was a mean old lady and that is probably why I never really think about her. I was at my grandparents one day and Nana was there. And I know this is when she was older, probably closer to the end because her hair was white and not red anymore. I walked into the house and went to give her a hug, and she stopped me and grabbed me by the shoulders and just looked at me. And then she said I was fat. She said I was turning into a fat little girl and then stood up and walked away. Now as an adult, I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings or be mean. She was just saying it (I was a fat little girl!) probably out of concern or just an observation. But as a child, it really hurt my feelings. She died shortly after that. And that is how I think about her. She was mean.
Which is why it was odd when I thought about her when I saw the ham. I had to copy the picture and email it to my dad to see if Nana made hams like that. Sure enough she did.
I don't have a memory with Nana and a ham. At least not one I can remember. But seeing the picture of it made me miss her. Really miss her. I had to choke back tears as I sat and thought about her. Nana wasn't mean, she loved me. It took a picture of a ham to remind me of that...
-S
Don't be sad friend. I have plenty of memories like that about my Grandpa. He used to call me and my sister Gorditas (which in English basically meant Fattie) but for a girl. In the Mexican culture, (Spanish, or any other latin culture) being chubby isn't really considered a bad thing. Not the way it is with our White heritage. If you're somewhat overweight you're made fun of all the time. And when you're a kid, it's not your fault.
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, he was kinda using it as a term of endearment. We were little girls and we were like fat balls of fluff in a way to him.
But it ALWAYS hurt my feelings. Because I know I'm fat, I was born fat, and I'm still fat, so having someone nickname me Fattie really bothered me. I told my mom I didn't like that Grandpa Joe called Jamie and me Fat anymore. It was probably made my mom nervous to tell him, because growing up he used to call her that too, and you never argue with Grandpa because he was the boss....but she did, and he didn't call us names like that from then on.
I think that just because you're old, doesn't give you the right to just say whatever. And if you have concerns about your grandkids, niece, nephew....take it up with the parents. Kid internalize a lot of stuff and it never goes away. So ya. It's ok Sarah. You're always beautiful to me. :).